Okay, it’s time to say it. We’ve been sold a bill of goods. For decades now, Hollywood has sold us an idea about what defines a real man. He’s John Wayne, James Bond, and Jason Bourne all rolled into one. He’s strong, independent, fearless, and often silent.
What happens when I measure myself against these Hollywood strong-and-silent types?
Strong? I don’t often feel strong. In fact, I sometimes feel incompetent, insecure, and weak. I’m not a self-made man who’s picked himself up by the bootstraps. Is that even physically possible?
I need people. I’m not as independent as I’d like. I don’t know how to fix my car, how to invest for a successful retirement, or how to complete my tax returns! I need people.
Fear sometimes grips me. I’m afraid of heights, like on the mountain roads I’ve driven that make my stomach flip. I’m afraid my ignorance will spontaneously be exposed. I’m afraid those around me will think I’m stupid.
My strongest credential is this – I have been there: My marriage in trouble, not knowing what to do about it; Isolated in addiction displaying as anger. So very tired and alone. Overwhelmed.
I don’t measure up to the prototype of a real man, except when it comes to…
Silence. I can do that. In fact, I was trained to do it well. Mom often told me, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” When I showed tears over an error that cost my team the game my Dad warned, “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
The repeated message was this: Hide unacceptable feelings. Deny hurts or disappointments. Push them down. Ignore them. The instructions I heard from parents who meant well produced an unhealthy, fear-based silence.
So my conviction is this: I can be strong or I can be silent. I can’t be both.
This is the foundation of Strong or Silent. SOS Men’s Coaching is for men who are more like me than they are John, James, or Jason.
SOS is for the man who knows his marriage is in trouble, but doesn’t know what to do about it. It’s for the man who is isolated, possibly depressed, struggling in the silence and needs a hand up.
He might be hurt, angry or confused. He might even be separated and alone in his pain. He can talk about sports, work, and hunting with his friends, but not this. This is too shameful. He might turn to something unhealthy to ease the pain, making the shame grow even more.
SOS offers hope. I have been a marriage coach and a licensed counselor in private practice for over 15 years. I work with Divorce Busting® and Every Man’s Battle® helping restore broken marriages and heal men from addiction. But my strongest credential is this – I have been there: My marriage in trouble, not knowing what to do about it; Isolated in addiction displaying as anger. So very tired and alone. Overwhelmed.
Don’t wait any longer. You know this won’t fix itself. SOS Men’s Coaching will give you hope and a solid plan to restore your hope, your integrity, and your marriage. Be one of the men who want to get real. Really real.
