“We’re stuck in the same old rut, but my spouse isn’t interested in reading a book, going to counseling, or working on our marriage. It’s so hopeless! How can I help my marriage when my spouse won’t budge?”
Many therapists don’t offer marriage counseling to just one spouse. To them it’s like peddling a bike with one foot – it doesn’t seem very sustainable.
However, every bike ride I’ve ever taken began with one foot. One push down to get the wheels rolling.
I believe one person making an effort to change has the power to affect the world around them – including his or her spouse.
If you’re the one who is motivated to move forward, I’m here to help.
Michele Weiner-Davis, my mentor and the best-selling author of Divorce Busting, writes about this in a chapter titled, “It Takes One To Tango: Change Your Marriage By Changing Yourself”
She states, “Years of experience have taught me that both partners need not be present during therapy sessions for the marriage to change.”
Like riding a bike, learning a new dance begins with just one step. Yours.
Many times I’ve seen motivated clients choose to grow – without the permission or cooperation of their spouses. These clients gets serious about consistently choosing a new direction, to become healthy and whole. They learn to let go of things that hold them back. Things like resentment, perfectionism, anger and shame. They learn to make room for good things like gratitude, creativity, curiosity and self-compassion.
These courageous clients aren’t playing games to trick their spouses into sticking around. They just don’t dance the way they used to. After a few spins on the dance floor they don’t feel so hopeless. They aren’t trapped any longer in a powerless struggle waiting for things to change.
Through these small steps they’ve grown and their growth invites their spouses to get out of the same old rut and join them.
What is the first small step? Get some outside help.
When relationships are strained couples often spiral into conflict and negative communication. Comments shared in the heat of the moment play over and over in the mind making matters worse. Emotionally charged thoughts like “protect yourself” and “you deserve better” build resentment and don’t bring relief when it is the most needed.
What you need is a new perspective.
Together we’ll explore the gifts, abilities, qualities and skills that you bring to the table. We’ll discover the beliefs and actions that work against you; how you can take care of yourself to keep moving forward and how hope can be brought into a seemingly hopeless situation.
We’ll build an action plan to change the course of your life and your relationship. It isn’t easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. It is, however, incredibly rewarding as change takes place and you leave the rut behind – inviting your spouse to come alongside you.
Are you one of the courageous who is ready to take your first step? To get things rolling in a new direction?
If you are call me at (720) 295-2827 – or schedule online today.
